Saturday, January 30, 2010

CHAPTER ONE: So you think you can drive!

My wife says I should teach a class on driving, and the subject of the hour would be how to merge on the freeway. I don't think this is a hard thing to grasp, however, the other people on the roads in this town must think it is the hardest thing in the world! I mean come on!

Step one: Click your blinker on.
Step two: Speed up to 55-65 MPH
Step three: Enter the flow of traffic. Do not stop, slow down, speed up, just merge. If there is a line of semi trucks you may want to think about this proven method, but outside of that, go in no matter what the idiot in the other lane is doing. Funny things happens, people move for you. Most the time I don't even have to look, I just go in like I own the road, and this makes others think you own the road too and they get out of the way.

Now from the freeway driver.

If you see someone coming on the ramp you should if you have a brain and if you plan to have children, MOVE TO THE LEFT LANE!!! You do it for a cop... you do it for me!

Step two: If you can't change lanes which is not true, you can always change lanes unless as stated above you see a semi truck and he wont move for you. *Rule of thumb, if you signal and go, most people will move, don't signal and stay in the lane looking like a driver's ed student. Drive already! You look at the car on the ramp, judge their speed and pace them giving them room in front or behind you so they can enter without the finger, cursing, spitting, wrecking, and all the blood and gore that come along with you being an idiot.

Step three: Drive by the oncoming car, or give the said car in front of you. Everyone is happy.

If you are the driver who will not move over or will not pace the other car I think you should be shipped back to California and beaten with a banana, and forced to wear a dog collar, the one that looks like a white funnel.

What does this have to do with writing?



  1. Right on Aaron! Sometimes I wish I had your talent for putting thoughts into words. I especially hate the on ramp mergers. :-)
    Have a good day. Jeff Nase

  2. Here is a book for you:
    The Disgusted Driver's Handbook
    by Ben Goode
    I guess its one of those "making fun of" books.
    Mrs. S.