Friday, November 26, 2010

CHAPTER ELEVEN: Weekend update.

In other news, it is found that eating to much food may lead to obesity.

A man was found in his upstate New York home, dead. He was discovered by the maid who said he seemed like a nice guy but sure liked bread. Turns out that was what he ate, only bread for the last five years. Guess that saying is right, "man cannot live by bread alone."

This just in, a new craze to cover all inside walls with a thick layer of fur has taken the county by storm.

This black Friday five people were killed in the biggest shopping day of the year. All five of them froze to death waiting outside a 7/11 gas station in hopes to buy the new extra-super-big-gulp-mug that holds 2 gallons of soda pop. Turns out the mug will not be released until Christmas.

Speaking of the weather, freak ice storms took over the northern states and socked in parts of Chicago, Alabama and Texas.

That's right Bill, some cold front. This cold snap hit hard as President Obama spoke in Nevada about education. He said, and I quote: "For more geography in the year 2011." He left the Eastern state to head back to the White House for Festivus.

In entertainment news, Pop star "Pink" donated 18 Million dollars to "The Human Fund" in honor of the children. After all, isn't it all about the children?

Our health is said to be our greatest gift. But for some living healthy is now "un-cool." The CFCA (The Center For Cool Americans)conducted a poll and found that 87% of Americans feel that having some sort of rash, STD, eye or lip twitch or some other unappealing sickness, is now considered cool.

In other news, Justin Bieber in his new book, (Bieber not Beaver), the young star tells all and reveals that he is in fact gay. This did not shock most of his fans but the picture of a nasty rash on his arm did send some shock-waves through the music community.

Here is Andy with more on this story. Andy.

Thanks Marge. Justin Bieber or as I like to call him, JB Beaver, has officially come out of the closet. Yes, yes, we are not that impressed with this revelation but the rash I must say is not only shocking but down right a ploy to pull more little girl fans away from Jo-Jo (Joe Jonas). I know that it is now cool to have some sort of rash or eye or lip twitch but to get infected on purpose just to be cool is in my book, lame and so not cool. I mean, what kind of message is this sending all the little girl fans out there? Is it cool just because some boy voice signer dude does it? Where does this kind of show stealing end? I know the boy is just cute and kissable. He may be fuzzy and like a little big eyed kitten but a rash? Come on people! Jo-Jo would never stoop so low and to me he will always be #1 in my book. Jo-Jo is a classy and studly musical magical machine. He could sing circles around Beaver and rash or no rash he is way cooler.


Thank you Andy, it is so sad how many of these young stars fall to the pressures of the industry. We can only hope that Jo-Jo can stay pure.

To top this update off and end the evening, we bring you the top story. You people out there might want to grab a seat, hold on and strap down because this is going to blow you away.

The directors of the hit series LOST have made a official announcement. They now under oath admit that they had no idea what they were doing and in fact made up the script each week in what they called a "Wing it" session. This stunning announcement took the country by storm and I for one was so upset that I burned my t-shirts, my LOST DVD collection, my LOST hats, mugs, floor rug, window decals, underwear, and bed spread. I was so mad i made my boyfriend repaint the car and take back my LOST decoder ring.

Thanks for being with us and we apologize for any hurt we may have caused by this news.

Friday, November 12, 2010


I care about writers and authors and in the end I hope to help them navigate the publishing waters. I stay up on the new trends and the way the publishing world is changing. I do all this because I want to help, to keep the frustration level down for all the writers out there that want to have a dream realized and become a published author.

Along with this, I am frustrated by other well-meaning bloggers and authors sending out ill-advised or out-of-date advice and thus keeping the crazy chain of writers going down the wrong path.

The big publishers are not taking new work. Their agents are not taking new work! Do I need to say this again? NOT TAKING NEW WORK. NOT LOOKING, COULD CARE LESS THAT YOUR BOOK IS THE BEST BOOK IN THE WORLD!

I am not trying to be mean but these are the facts. Small houses are taking new titles (well, some are), and some are looking. But this means low royalties and a ton of headache. But do what you will. Back to the main grievance...

If we know that these publishers are not taking new work WHY ARE YOU STILL TEACHING AND TELLING WRITERS TO WRITE QUERY LETTERS?!? Come on! Really. This is stupid, crazy and like banging on a store window after hours and wondering why they won't open up for you.

Look at it this way, if you are a big publisher and you receive an unsolicited query letter, what do you do? I'd bet you would have a big meeting with all your investors and grant 100k to this unknown project. After that, you publish and market this book, and spend even more money on bookmarks and posters to give out at Starbucks. Now you, the big publisher, have to try to sell this book in this market to people that would rather get it free from the library. Does this all make sense now?

So, the store is closed unless you are famous. Are you famous? Anyway, they are closed; the big agents are closed. The sane thing to do is to leave them alone, or you can keep sending in your perfect query letter and they will keep throwing it in the trash.

Below are some things you can do to ensure that you will never be a published author:

*Write and send out query letters.
*Go to all the writing conferences.
*Read all the how-to books on publishing.
*Hunt for a book agent.
*Talk about your book you are working on but just talk, talk ,talk...
*Join a local writers' group and sit with all the other non-published (and never going to get published) authors and in 20 years still be working on your book.
*Over-edit your book.
*Wait until your book is perfect.
*Perfect your book proposal.
*Don't market yourself until your book is out.
*Minimize eBooks and online social media.
*Look at your book as a hobby instead of a business.
*Write for the public and not for yourself.

Believe me, I researched all the different publishing options for a year and almost gave up. But once I saw what I could do, it changed everything. My advice? Find a small, out-of-the-box house and talk to a real person who will work with you on your project and make it the best it can be.

This is the time of the author; the writer can now hold all the cards. It is time to take back your power. Take it, own it and claim what is yours!

Sunday, November 7, 2010

CHAPTER ELEVEN: Out of the box, a call to big name authors!

I hear all the time this phrase. Think out of the box, or get out of the box! What does this really mean and why do we want to get out of some box that we all seem to be in? Is the box uncomfortable? Is it harmful? How did we even get in this box? Are we all born in the box and if so why is it bad when we were born in it?

All these questions hit me and I started to think about it and how it can help me and other authors or business people.

The box as we think of it, is the same old thing, the hum drum and the I was taught this way and I shall do it even if it no longer works.

Some examples in the writing world are this:

Write in your genre: I do not like this one. I write for me, and if my writing crosses over into one genre to another so be it. This thinking of staying put is because the fans expect to read something and if you do something different they will get mad. Well, maybe it is good to make a reader mad every once in a while. Shake things up. Again, think of why you are writing... is it for some fan or for you and are you just trying to sell a book or write what you love.

Now be smart about it... might not be a good idea to mix romance with a story about hunting. Just a thought.

Sending out query letters and trying to find an agent: I am still amazed by the countless authors that still do this outdated and fruitless thing. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. The game changed about three years ago and the big publishers stopped taking new works. They sent out their agents to hunt the book shelves to find the next up in coming book and these agents also do not take new submissions unless you have a platform or a huge fan base.

Do you have a fan base and a platform? Do you sell 10K books a year to start? If not the agents you can get to look at your work are not the ones you want. If the big bad agents can't sell a book to a big publisher what makes you think a small agent can?

I am not trying to be mean but unless you are already in with a publisher it is not smart to keep sending letters into a black hole and wasting time when you could spend that same time writing and selling books and building a fan base. Besides, even if you make a publisher take your work do you really want 5-10% royalties? How do you plan to make a living on 12-25 cents a book? Just saying.

Best advice, if you really want to go with a traditional publisher find a small one who "thinks outside of the box."

Authors or Publishers who think eBooks are a fad: This one gets me. I make a living because of eBooks. i feed my family and do not have to work construction because of eBooks. A Fad? Really? Wait... even if it is a fad think of how long it will take to fizzle out? 10-20 years? By that time i will be retired on that fad and wont care that it was.

Or I talk to publishers that are going to look into eBooks in five years. Hmmm, by that time you will miss the wave. Why throw away money and fans because you are scared of the future? I know... I know... you think you will lose money, you think you need to keep the price high. Just keep it up, remember a little company called Apple? Yeah... remember the music business? Yeah... now what if a Apple decides that all eBooks should be 2.99?

Just a thought. It is not about what you the publishing makes... it is what does the author make and what does the reader have to pay. The future of publishing is changing and it is about time. The kingdom of Random House and all the other big guys is coming to an end and the ones who will be better off is the authors and the readers.

Here is my challenge. This is a call to a big name author. By this I mean a Dan Brown, James Patterson, Jason Pinter, Andrew Gross ect... Here is my offer. Let me and you team up and I will give you 50/50 royalties on print and E. We can market online just as good or better and lets do a brand new book. I will publish your book and it will go out into the same stores as you are in now, i use the same distributors, the same binders and printers. My cover art people are just as good if not better. We will try a OOTB experiment and see what happens when a author gets paid and I mean really paid for his or her work.

This is not a joke. I really mean it. If you want to make more on each sale and sell the same number or more let me know. Imaging making 2-6 dollars on each book sale... Imagine having control of your cover and how your book looks. Imaging taking control of your future and saying Enough to the way things have been done for the last hundred years. This is the time to do something different, time to try something new. Besides, what have you got to lose? If the numbers are half of your last book well... no wait, you will still make more. 50% royalties!

All I need is one to try this and see... do you believe?