Thursday, July 29, 2010

CHAPTER SEVEN: A Real Review for I Am Legend!

I got this book from the library and in a audio form. The reader was amazing and brought out the characters so very well. I must say I was so pleased with this book, it was funny in a dark kind of way. His mind set and the internal thoughts cracked me up. If you have a little voice that you argue with you will love this book.

It goes something like this...

They will never get me, no, I am going to burn them to the ground, tear them apart limb from limb! I can't stand the sound of their voices, the moaning, the screaming and the clawing! Make it stop! SHUT UP! Stop whining you little baby! Get a hold of yourself, what if they never stop? What if they keep coming night after night and I go mad and run the streets begging them to take me!

Calm now, take it easy pal. Have a drink, it will be all- NO, a drink! You're kidding right? Really, drink and hide from the pain... no, not me. Never!


I give this book a passing grade, not that I am one to give a grade of any kind, but it was a fun ride!

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

CHAPTER SEVEN: How to sell E-books.

Write a good book.

Get a killer cover.

Set the price low. .99-4.99

Talk about it some on Facebook.

Blog and give people some info they want and need.

Do book signings and talk up other peoples books.

Be a voice and don't hide in a corner.

Have fun.

That is all I have, it worked for me and is still working so give it a try.

Oh, and a note to all the authors and publishers out there that think this E-book thing is going away or that there will always be books around. Pull your head out of the sand... no, never mind, keep it in, because the more time you are hiding from what is coming it give little guys like me more face-time online.

I call this the real estate lie. No matter who you talk to in the business it is always a great time to sell or buy a home. This lie matters not what the housing market is doing cuz they want to keep a job and get you to buy or sell. The same thing is going on here, the publishers and the authors that want to keep things the old way and feel good because they got a advance will lie to you and themselves saying that books will always be here. Yes, they will... just like records are still here.

Love ya!

Monday, July 26, 2010

In 19 I Write like...

I write like
Stephenie Meyer

I Write Like by Mémoires, Mac journal software. Analyze your writing!

In Sweet Dreams and Dream On I Write like...

I write like
J. D. Salinger

I Write Like by Mémoires, Mac journal software. Analyze your writing!

Monday, July 19, 2010

CHAPTER SEVEN: Quit... or Else!

Writing is like walking down the road naked and about 50 pounds heavier and covered with zits wearing a comb-over. All your work, your soul is out there for all to see and read and criticize.

You are setting yourself up for open rejection, outright rage and small snickers at the mall you just know is about your book. People will start to look like tigers and crocodiles stalking you just waiting for the chance to attack what you dumped your life into.

Sound fun?

Well, i am being over dramatic but some of this is true. To you the fearful, the scared I say in a loud commanding voice as I wag my long bony finger in your face. "QUIT NOW YOU WORTHLESS LOSER!!!"

Why so mean?

Because some people will not get off their ever growing butt unless someone tells them they can't do something. You are to weak, to dumb and not the kind of person that could write a book. Really, sit there with the rest of the world and tell the same old lie that you are working on a novel. Sure, and I am getting skinny by being a member of a gym.

Being a writer is hard in that you are open to the world and they have no mercy, and it is hard because it makes you think and put something together. But my writing want to be friend, it is also fun, crazy and so very cool to be able to write for a living. Not to mention the fact that your work may be around long after you are dead.

Do you want to be just another voice in the mob telling their date that they are working on a book? you want that eye roll and the sure you are look? Or do you want to do something and not just say you are but do it! There is a reason writing a book is so rare and people think of you different because you did. Because no one does... well some do but not many.

Studies show that writing a book is equivalent to having a PHD in the public's eyes. Now you and I both know that this is not true and I know that I am about as smart as a toad, but that is not the point. you ever hear a doctor list his PHD and so on and lump being a author in with it? Nope, they will always say I have this and this and I am the author of...

Why is this? Well, gold is worth so much because there is not a lot of it. Same with authors, not many do so if you do guess what? You become something other, something more but even though it is only in someones mind it is still something you can do if you will only sit your butt down and start banging keys. Who cares how many you pound, just pound and see what happens.

Now if you are weak in the gut and want everyone to love you quit now. Do yourself a favor and get over yourself in ten years and come back and write the book. Or realize who you are writing to and focus on him or her, no one else matters, as long as that person likes what you wrote you are golden.

Quit i say... give it up! you don't have what it takes... Go get a normal job... or maybe i am just full of it... Maybe I don't care... maybe I am to busy having fun doing what I love...

Just saying...

Saturday, July 17, 2010


So Karissa is out of town this weekend at her 12 year old sisters wedding shower.... don't ask. She took the little one leaving me with Soleil age 5 and Kale age 2.3. I had them all day yesterday and will have them into Monday.

This little trial run for the big week long thing coming up on me when I have all three for a week has got me thinking about the things I should have known or... the things I found out, here are some.

If a 2 year old says he can hold it... he is lying.

If a 5 year old tells you her room is clean, she is also lying.

Two year olds love cookies... just do not give them any at 8pm.

Yes a child can watch the same over and over four or more times without blinking...

Kale thinks he can swim even without a life jacket... he can't.

Me two kids and a bookstore... bad mix.

Me two kids and a bar... perfect, who knew kids like beer.

Kidding... gosh, you are all way to serious.

Keeping the house clean is so easy... I think Karissa is slacking, what does she do all day? I mean, this parenting thing is a snap, like being on vacation all the time! =)

Being the only dad at the pool with kids totally rocks... all the moms feel sorry for me and do things for me to help out. I play it up a little... now who is the smarter sex... (That was not a question, we all know guys rule in the smart department)

Barbie movies are not that bad...

Barbie movies SUCK!

If you wait one hour longer to feed them, they eat better. Just saying.

It is amazing how much one can pee in the pool... I wonder if the water gets into the skin making the pee refill. Anyway... totally fun... I bet, not that I've done it. I mean I don't want to get out of the pool and be watched by 50 moms as I walk to the bathroom. It is for my kids safety, they might drown when I am gone. Besides, I can always blame it on Kale... Not like you don't ever do it!

Worst place to have your daughter throw up? McDonald's play center when you are all alone... no I mean the five minutes after I drop off Karissa I take the kids out for a little Dad is more fun date and she does a big "My tummy hurts" all over her self and the floor. Talk about winning a Dad of the year award. Introduction to watching the kids all by yourself... hey, here you go.... Barf!

Eating a breakfast sandwich after daughter threw up only a foot away... not bad... little salty but not bad.

Kale stepping in said throw up with his bare feet... EEWWWWW, that was nasty... "Watch out Kale, no stop..." He stops in the middle and looks down and leans over to wipe it up rubbing his hands in it with a thin napkin. Man... that is almost as bad as him grabbing the rim of the toilet in the mens room...

Bed time... loving it... got to read... no, I mean I wanted to read but fell asleep. Again, what a slacker my wife is... she has so much energy at the end of the day and I am worn out... goes to show you who is working harder at this parenting thing.

Anyway... I am sure if she had my job she would envy herself even more. I mean sitting in a coffee shop writing with a cup of joe in my hand all day is hard! Really, she has no idea. Dumb people wanting to talk and messing up my flow... gosh, I mean what a drag.

Love you babe... you rock!


Wednesday, July 14, 2010

CHAPTER SEVEN: Borders goes E!

Borders Group (BGP) launched an electronic bookstore Wednesday, entering a market dominated by Amazon (AMZN), Apple (AAPL) and Barnes & Noble (BKS). But the No. 2 U.S. bookstore chain by sales is optimistic about its chances, believing it will quickly catch up with rivals and win a piece of the fast-growing e-books sector, Reuters reports.

Along with its e-bookstore, Barnes & Noble launched the Nook e-reader nine months ago. Amazon sells the popular Kindle e-reader and Apple markets the iPhone and iPad, which debuted three months ago. Borders is clearly behind -- at least for now.

With sales at its bookstores and website down over 11% in the first quarter, Borders needs a piece of the growing e-book segment. Some analysts believe this category could grow from 3% of total book sales in the U.S. to nearly 13% by 2015.

An Uphill Battle

Armed with data on 38 million customers, Borders believes it will easily capture market share. Borders' goal is to secure a 17% share of the e-book market by July 2011. But with Barnes & Noble already claiming to have won 20% of the U.S. e-book market, it could be an uphill battle for Borders.

Borders' e-bookstore will offer 1.5 million titles, including free books. Amazon says it offers 620,000 books, as well as 1.8 million free, out-of-copyright titles. Barnes & Noble claims it offers 1 million titles.

Borders had previously introduced the Kobo eReader for $149 and the Aluratek Libre eReader for $119 on Both devices have surpassed sales expectations, Borders says, as they are priced to fit most budgets.

Borders also has apps for Apple's iPhone and iPad, and on Wednesday it introduced apps for Research In Motion's (RIMM) BlackBerry and for phones that run Google's (GOOG) Android software.

With more business moving online, Borders will likely have to close some brick-and-mortar stores at some point.

See full article from DailyFinance:

Monday, July 12, 2010

CHAPTER SEVEN: Deep thoughts with... you

Here is the thought pattern I get bombarded with. Now you tell me how to not go crazy if this what you listened to every day.

You suck,

You rock!

You should quit writing.

Your books are so cool!

Then and Than?

Write faster!

Well writing is a nice hobby, but keep your real job.

Here is a check Mr. Patterson.

You should write this way...

Keep at it!

This is the worst book ever!

You are my new favorite author.

You are raciest and use stereotypes.

You write to hard.

You write to soft.


Go baby go! (Karissa)

Don't unleash another tragedy on the world.

You should write this...

Be nicer.

Be mean.

Needs more interaction.

Loved the interaction.

Get a clue.

That last one was me... hee hee

To all my non-fans... You are way off... I only half suck.

To all my fans, I am not as good as you think.

To me and my own brain, forget both sides and just do it! Thanks Nike

Sunday, July 11, 2010

Chapter Seven: Let's just get it all out!

K people. Here is the low down, the inside scoop, the down and dirty on me and my writing, and the idea some people out there have... I must clear the air and hope everyone gets it even though I know I AM JUST BEATING THE AIR, AND I ALSO KNOW THIS IS A RUN-ON sentence... so there.

I hate, loathe, suck and otherwise do not like, or get English. I can't spell to save my life and if you ask me the difference between then and than or what is the proper use of a adverb or even what one is, you will find, I am clueless. I know this and most the world knows this as well.

Just not my thing, I am good at story and coming up with ideas, which is a huge part of writing. Finding a good editor that can fix my writing to a somewhat readable mess is a challenge. I never wrote a book before because of my lack of skill in the English language, until I heard a interview from some nameless famous author who said the same thing.

I was like, sweet! You mean you do not have to be the whole package? you mean I can get out all these ideas and stories and find a great editor and be a author? wow, life changing!

So here I am 2 years later and even though I know I am not the best writer and have a long way to go I still am doing well. People like what I write and seem to want to buy it, yet in this life there is always some person that likes to sit on the sideline all bent about their dream of having a book out there being overshadowed by me and my dribble. These unlucky souls think it is their lot in life to inform me of my bad grammar and misuse of 'then and than'. Do you think I don't know that? Ha, you are preaching to the guy who invented bad use of it, or and...

So let us all relax and give the poor guy a break, he knows he is suckky at all, and if your little dream of writing a bestseller is shot to ... uh pieces... because I am here and selling books you find sub-par, well... lets just say I am always learning and advancing in my work and as you perfect your epic novel I hope to have a hundred books out and in print by the time you make yours perfect.

Do I want to be a English master? Yes. Is my brain able to be a master? No. I will do the best I can with what God has blessed me with, and as I tune in and as my poor editor weeds through the mess I call writing I hope some may find joy and excitement in the stories I weave.

The end is this... I know... I know... so your corrections are noted and known, however I am not perfect and you are just as imperfect as I am. I figure if Steven King can have 2 typos in his, book 'on writing' none the less, and a sop like me caught them, there might be more that some perfect English Major will find. But he sells books and I hope to sell as many as he has, one step at a time. We all know you are much smarter then (than) me so let us be clear, I agree... happy? Good, now can we move on and have a little fun?

Besides... I am re-writing some English rules... and the first one I am going to change is then and than... we all get what it means, so what is with this spelling difference? So henceforth I will use it as EN all the time... The 2nd rule I am working on, and some major authors are with me, is the word Blond (Blonde) I use it without a E for a man and with a E for a woman... what say you to that?

Anyhoo... Thanks for your time and may you enjoy the ride and forget the long lines.

Saturday, July 10, 2010

CHAPTER SEVEN: Price change with Amazon.

After Amazon changed the price that goes back to the author from 35% to 70% as long as the title falls into their requirements I looked at my numbers and decided to give it a try. I was a little scared to take me hot selling book Sweet Dreams from .99 because I thought I would lose the number of sales even though I was not making a lot i was reaching a lot of people.

I was selling about 1200 a month at the .99 rate and so I put the e-book at 2.99 which is the base rate for the new 70%. It has only been out for what... ? 10 days now, well so far I have been surprised. The book is selling better at the new price then it was at .99. How does that happen? I am over 500 sold this month and we are not even half way through, but we will see if this is just a fad or if this new thing will keep up.

Did the same thing with book 2, had it at 2.99 and put it back up to 8.99 and it is still selling just as well... who knew?

Thursday, July 8, 2010

CHAPTER SEVEN: Just when you thought...

Writing tip or blurb or vomit of the day. Your job is never done.

I thought I was on top of the editing game, had things worked out but no!!! So more work ahead and then maybe we will get somewhere. But that is part of the precess, just keep going and remember not to wear yourself out on the first few drafts, you will need some steam left for the 10th edit.

Working on a short story that my editor has now and going to put it up as a E-book only. Calling it "a digital short." Got the cover done and hope to have it up by the end of July.

Why am I doing this you might ask? Well right now the e-book world is selling books like crazy people on crack. So, in order to keep up with the demand I need more content and if that means whipping out some short stories then that is what I will do. Besides if they sit around in my office they cannot make money or get out to the public, now what good is that?

It is a new game folks, a new time and content is king. Working on getting book 3 in the WJA series out by Christmas and Airel out this year as well. That will be two books in one year, a record for me... oh and a short, but that doesn't count... or does it?

Monday, July 5, 2010

CHAPTER SEVEN: Birthday advice

So as I turn 31 tomorrow I find myself looking back and thinking about life. What does it all mean? Is there life on other planets? Does that crazy woman at the book show really think her book is good? All of these questions and more. So here is a little advice from a very old young man.

Live and take a risk.

Forget your friends advice unless they are 20 years older then you.

Kiss your wife, if you are not married, kiss your dog.

Dream but don't just dream--do!

Try something new every week or every day if you are brave enough.

Avoid wal mart in an all black neighborhood... unless you are black.

Hairspray is not mouth wash.

The ones you trust the most will hurt you, so be prepared.

Shut-up and watch the movie.

Don't eat so much.

Yes you are fat and you are only kidding yourself.

If you have to ask...

We all know it was you.

Read a book...

Never trust someone you just met.

Ask yourself if you would want to be your friend.

Never let go of something or someone important.

Family is forever no matter what you think of them.

Just because you are wearing a dress doesn't mean you are being modest.

Use God's Word as a sword, not a club.

Kids are funny, enjoy them and stop over-parenting.

Just because you thought of it doesn't make it right or cool.

Did someone fart?

Do what you say... no one likes a liar.

If you do the same thing over and over again and expect a different result you are crazy.

Poop stinks.

Work less, you have all your life to work.

You have a bald spot and the comb-over is not fooling anyone.


Life is short, laugh and enjoy the ride.

What you believe matters not unless what you believe is the truth.

My mother in law is better then your mother in law!

If you have more then one bumper sticker you should be slapped.

Drive on the right so I can pass.

If you think you will go far.

Show up on time and work 8 hrs and you will own the place in five years.

No matter how old you get a fart is still funny.

Women don't know what they want so stop trying to figure out what they want.

Sometimes a back rub is better then sex.

It is okay to say sex.

Don't read long blogs, you might go blind.

Done... for now...

Saturday, July 3, 2010

CHAPTER SEVEN: Cartoon Review!

You know how when you go to the fair and a artist will draw a cartoon of someone and exaggerate some feature? Well we (Jason) and I took a long 26 hr road trip and that was one way, and listened to some books on tape and thought it would be fun to do some reviews in the voice of the author and take some habits and cartoon-ize them. So strap on and buckle down, here you go.

We will call these reviews "In the voice of the author"

In The Voice: "61 Hours" By Lee Child
A Reacher Novel

Lee Child's latest thriller 61 Hours was exhilarating and painful - exhilarating because the story was another fantastic Lee Child thriller; painful because Child's over description slowed down an otherwise fast-paced story. The way Child wove the intricate story together was genius and intriguing and brilliant and conveniently crafted in some instances. After you read it, you will say nothing. Instead you'll marvel at the fantastic collision of an edge-of-your-seat plot with the drudgery of sloshing - no, trudging or struggling or crawling or creeping or slithering - through the excessive adjective-filled descriptions that leave little to the imagination like a thousand-word essay - no a ten thousand, no a hundred thousand word maelstrom of adjectives - describing a black box or a novel on the day in the life of a worker bee.
-Jason Flach

I found myself on a long road trip and as we traveled down the long, and flat and smooth and hot road, I and Mr. Flach had the opportunity to listen to a novel called 61 Hours. The road turned to the west and was long and flat and smooth and hot. I took the CD case and noticed that it was 5 inches wide and 5 inches long and 2 inches thick. Inside were 61 CD's. The first CD had a blue and white cover which was the same cover on the front of the CD case. The bottom of the CD was a silver that shone and glimmered and twinkled and reflected the light coming in through the front window. The road remained the same as we rode on down its long and flat and smooth and hot surface. The second CD was the same as the first and had a silver bottom side. The third CD was the same and was silver on the bottom and the fourth CD also had silver on the underneath side. I looked through all the CD's and they were all the same.

I said to Mr. Flach. "You want to give it a go?"

Mr. Flash said nothing.

I said. "It looks good."

Mr. Flach said nothing.

I slid the first CD into the CD player with the blue side up and the silver side down. We drove on and the long and flat and smooth and hot road kept on as if to not have an end.

Mr. Flach said nothing.

-A. Dog

Book Facts:
The term "and he said nothing" used 2364 times
Adjectives used 209876543 times
Longest line of back-to-back adjectives: 32 in a row

Thursday, July 1, 2010

CHAPTER SEVEN: E-book changes. Here is what you need to know.

Amazon just updated the Digital Text Platform (DTP), and is now offering their much-awaited 70% royalty on eBooks. I am writing to make sure you know how to opt into that new rate, since you will not be automatically opted in for books you have in the system already.

Here are the instructions (courtesy of Walt Shiel's blog):

1. Log in to your DTP account.
2. You should be taken to the Bookshelf (if not, click on that option at the top of the screen).
3. For each of your titles, you need to click on the “Edit book details” option on the Actions drop-down menu.
4. On the next screen, be sure to check “This is not public domain” (which, depending on how recently you uploaded your book, may already be checked) — assuming that is a true statement, of course.
5. Click the Save and Continue button at the bottom of the page.
6. On the next page, you can set the 70% royalty option, but it will only work if your selling price is set to at least $2.99 (be sure to read the revised terms and conditions before completing the process, as they have changed) — you can also set or change your DRM option on this page.

On your Bookshelf, the book will now show an “in review” status, which means that it might take 48 hours for the new settings and new royalty rate to take effect.

Thanks Josh.