Saturday, July 3, 2010
CHAPTER SEVEN: Cartoon Review!
You know how when you go to the fair and a artist will draw a cartoon of someone and exaggerate some feature? Well we (Jason) and I took a long 26 hr road trip and that was one way, and listened to some books on tape and thought it would be fun to do some reviews in the voice of the author and take some habits and cartoon-ize them. So strap on and buckle down, here you go.
We will call these reviews "In the voice of the author"
In The Voice: "61 Hours" By Lee Child
A Reacher Novel
Lee Child's latest thriller 61 Hours was exhilarating and painful - exhilarating because the story was another fantastic Lee Child thriller; painful because Child's over description slowed down an otherwise fast-paced story. The way Child wove the intricate story together was genius and intriguing and brilliant and conveniently crafted in some instances. After you read it, you will say nothing. Instead you'll marvel at the fantastic collision of an edge-of-your-seat plot with the drudgery of sloshing - no, trudging or struggling or crawling or creeping or slithering - through the excessive adjective-filled descriptions that leave little to the imagination like a thousand-word essay - no a ten thousand, no a hundred thousand word maelstrom of adjectives - describing a black box or a novel on the day in the life of a worker bee.
I found myself on a long road trip and as we traveled down the long, and flat and smooth and hot road, I and Mr. Flach had the opportunity to listen to a novel called 61 Hours. The road turned to the west and was long and flat and smooth and hot. I took the CD case and noticed that it was 5 inches wide and 5 inches long and 2 inches thick. Inside were 61 CD's. The first CD had a blue and white cover which was the same cover on the front of the CD case. The bottom of the CD was a silver that shone and glimmered and twinkled and reflected the light coming in through the front window. The road remained the same as we rode on down its long and flat and smooth and hot surface. The second CD was the same as the first and had a silver bottom side. The third CD was the same and was silver on the bottom and the fourth CD also had silver on the underneath side. I looked through all the CD's and they were all the same.
I said to Mr. Flach. "You want to give it a go?"
Mr. Flash said nothing.
I said. "It looks good."
Mr. Flach said nothing.
I slid the first CD into the CD player with the blue side up and the silver side down. We drove on and the long and flat and smooth and hot road kept on as if to not have an end.
Mr. Flach said nothing.
The term "and he said nothing" used 2364 times
Adjectives used 209876543 times
Longest line of back-to-back adjectives: 32 in a row