Saturday, February 20, 2010
CHAPTER TWO: Chicks with Sticks...
This morning I woke up or sort of woke up and made my way to the coffee shop to get some go juice. I was going to enter the hen house and I was the fox as it were. You think I joke, jest and jostle you about this, but I am not pulling your leg.
Sticks and Chicks is a book club of beautiful women in their prime, (How was that?) Who love to golf, drink wine, eat, and read books. I found out that this month the book they were reading was mine. I about spit up a great lunch when I heard this and prayed that this was all a joke or a bad dream.
No, it was in fact not a dream or a bad joke. So in the effort to preserve my small dying pride I called this group up and got a hold of a bubbly lady named CJ2. (CJ1 was taken by another member of this group.) CJ2 was glad I called and next thing you know I am on my way out for a ladies only meeting with the wine flowing and me the only male about to enter what may or may not be a dangerous situation.
I thought about wearing a polo golf shirt and sticking a golf tee behind my ear to make it look like I was the golf lover I was not, but decided this was reaching. I have hit a few hundred bucket of balls in my time and made it through 18 holes I think 5 times, (With a score of 98, take that!) But that was it for my golf experience.
By the way, I know this is not right as far as grammar goes and I may even have a few run on sentences but I really don't care and if you don't like it then move along sister... lol. That is for you. You know who you are... yeah, you. Anyway...
I brought a gift from my wife and scored there with the beautiful host. (Pouring it on thick are we?) Found out later she was hiding knives close by just in case I was a ax murder, you never can tell these days. We had coffee, great food and chatted it up like we were all old friends, well all of us but me, I am still young as fresh as a baby chick. I jest... The food was good and then out came the knives!
I dodged one from our lovely host, and out of the corner of my eye CJ1 and CJ2 were coming at me with broken wine glasses. I fell over backward in my chair as they descended on my flailing body. I fought them off one by one and in the end their hatred for my book broke their will to keep out of jail. I didn't see it coming but here I was cut up, bruised and bleeding with ten bodies lying around me and hot bacon still on my plate. What was a guy to do? Well... I had to finish the bacon and help myself to another cup of coffee. I mean it was all so good.
You see, this was not just your ordinary group of women posing as golfing buddies. These ladies were trained killers out for blood. I did what I did in self defense. Now blowing up the house afterward, well... that was just my mean spirit.
Thank for all the great feedback and I hope to do this again, but this time I will not be so nice!