This Mothers Day and it is a beautiful day with the wind killing itself off and the sun winning out over the clouds. I waited for a long time to see this spring day and to get out and fix that darn sprinkler that people keep running over.
In church today or rather in Sunday School we were talking about parenting and the good old spanking issue. I don't really care what you think on the subject and because this is my blog I guess you get to hear my side... hee. hee... just trying to sound mean... did it work?
Well, we should see by now that a time out just does not work and taking the kids cell phone away does not work either. Shall we look back 100 years to how our grandparents were raised? They got beat on the butt if they were out of line and they were respectful of older men and women and we had a generation of law abiding good people.
Look around you now at the Dr. Spock generation and the kids we are raising. Hello! Yeah, the words coming from these kids mouth's a sailor wouldn't even consider saying and this is coming from the girls! It is not working! If you love your child and you are not lazy or scared get the old belt out and dust it off on a backside... It will not kill them and you will have a happy child and one that loves you and respects you. Does your child do that now? Or you trying to be their buddy instead of their parent?
Believe me I do the same thing and I do not want to get off my butt and take care of a problem, but that is lazy and all about me and not my child. This is training and we are supposed to train, that means to discipline them if they do the wrong thing and show them the way to do it right. Now before you get all hot under the collar and call CPS, get a grip and take that same energy and deal with your little brat. I am not talking about hitting the kid or doing anything in anger, this is a tool to use when needed and with love with the idea of training in mind. So ease up and let's not hurt ourselves.
I was spanked as a child and I thank God I was. If I was not punished I would be a monster, hmmm kind of like some kids now days... I am not a perfect parent and I have a lot of growing to do... this is something that we work on and we try to keep to the important things. By that I mean we get on them every-time if it is a attitude thing or a direct violation... not because they didn't ask for a drink of water or went potty without their god's permission. I want to train... remember? And part of that is to teach them to do things for themselves. Like getting their own breakfast or going to the bathroom on their own. I have a five year old who can now get her won breakfast in the morning and also get her little brother's for him and put him in his highchair. She can put away all the dishes in the dishwasher and clean up her own room. She also can play at the park across the street all by herself and cross the street looking for cars. I say all this to help out in the other side of the coin for the over-parent-ers. Is there such a thing? Yes...
This is where we do not let our child breathe without permission and have to control every move they make. We talked about Child centered homes and saw one side of this in a parent who over indulges their child... This same thing is the case with the you will do this and that and if you ever think for yourself without my permission kind of thing is the same thing.
What is this doing to train? They will be great in the Army and good at taking orders but when out from under your wing they go crazy! They are taught not to think for themselves or ever allowed to do anything on their own. The family is 100% focused on the kids and their development and how they should be raised and the poor parents cannot ever even go out on a date because they can't leave them in the care on some high school girl. They might become heathens as you eat out and when you come back you will have to train them all over again! Oh my....
You and your husband are the family. It all started with you and in the end it will be just you again. The children are a addition and should be welcomed into the family but they should not be the focus. The relationship between you and yours should be the center and the kids next. Let me ask you something... Do you read more books on raising children or how to better your marriage? Does she or he come first or the kids? Do you make the children wait till you have mommy and daddy time before they jump in after the long day at work or are you to busy with work or the kids development?
Believe me I am talking to myself and a lot of this is so I can talk this out in my own head. But when all the kids are out this is when you look at the man or woman next to you and say: "Who are you?" Most divorces are after the kids are out... fact.
Remember to do a good job and really try to do right by your kids but they will learn more from watching you and your love then anything else. The love and the way you treat each other will show them instead you you telling them and not doing it yourself. In writing they always say to show not tell... show what you want to say by having the characters do something to show the story. If you just tell the reader what to do is it not as effective. This is true in life as well, I want to look back and say that I was one... real and what I was in front of my kids was the real me even with all the faults. And I want to say that I did my very best. I don't want a child centered home or a parent centered home... I want a home centered around God and them my wife and them the kids. This order is the way God set it up and it still works today... don't believe me... Try it and see for yourself.