Thursday, December 9, 2010

CHAPTER TWELVE: Attack of the Christmas crazies!

It seems that every year as we come upon this holiday season some weird kind of thing happens. Last year it was the big fight over the wording... should we wish people a merry Christmas or say happy holiday's? Will our greeting offend someone? What if by talking to someone and saying happy anything drives them to yank out a shotgun and blow you away based on you and your greeting?

And I thought we had freedom... oh, wait, that was three years ago.

We just came out of the Thanksgiving thing... it once was a day where we stuffed our faces and thanked God for all the food and slept in after the game. The Black Friday came into play and this year they now have the whole weekend for shopping and made a one day thing into three! Really? What is that about? Do we really need three days to shop and get the deals? Do we need to exploit everything? I feel like I was taken by some big fat guy in a dark alley... I feel so dirty now, as if we are losing everything that makes us... well, U.S.

I think we skipped the marketing for Thanksgiving as well and jumped right into Christmas right after Halloween... Was this me or did anyone else notice this?

Anyway... I went into a store that will remain nameless... it had a wall and was a mart of sorts. I was going into this store and in the past there would be a bell ringer standing there with a Santa suit or smelling of cheap beer or maybe both. This time I was confronted by 4 of them.

Bells in hand and a leather jacket with a skull on the back and a pocket full of little Candy Cain's for my child. They did not ring the bell and smile and give you that stare... you know the one. The "Please give us some money you creep, do it or the Christmas spirit will come into your house this year and burn it down!" Yeah, that look. Well, the look was there but also the walking up to you and doing the sort of blocking the door shuffle and give the kid some candy thing...

I did not know what to do. I felt like I was being robbed by a biker gang! Was I supposed to give them some pocket change or my kid? We somehow made it past them as some other unsuspecting shopper was in view and they moved on.

4? Really, we need 4 of them at each door. Come on, you and I both know that I am not the only one that knows what side of the door they are standing. We leave the store with a basket full off food and gum and pass on the other side much like the Hebrew Priest in the Bible story.

We could do this dodge and don't make eye contact thing in years past, but now... it is like walking through a gang of excited cheerleaders as we try to get out to the football field. I do try to give something and the guilt I feel by the looks and the idea of standing out in the cold do make me want to help. Yet I feel that in the past I was giving out of desire and now I get my extra change snagged as I walk through the pack of Santa-suit-wearing bikers.

Soon it will be a mob of fifty people that sing and dance as they go around holding up cars in the parking-lot. When will it all end? When will we just blend all the holiday's together and tell everyone to have one big party and spend the life savings on a new Wii?

So as we go out this Christmas, remember... bring lots of change and leave the kids at home. Remember to keep all loose clothing tied down, don't wear a hat, or anything that can be taken as you walk by. We want you all to be safe out there, remember to think before you act. We don't want anyone to go missing this year...

I think I am going to skip Christmas and just do Festivus.

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